the begining

It has been interesting, educational, disappointing.

About a year and a half ago, while I was sleeping and my friend was pulling an all-nighter, she got bored and decided to sign us up in a matrimonial site.  The next day when she told me, I laughed, and checked it, and voila!  I had a messege.  At first I didn't take it seriously, but due to my friend's encouragement, I decided to give it a try.

The guy on the other end seemed a little too demanding.  He demanded to see my pictures right away even when I told him I wasn't comfortable at this point.  He asked me what kind of guy I wanted to marry.  Then answered himself "let me guess, someone rich..everyone says they want someone religious, but in reality as long as the guy is rich that's all they care about".  He told me he has anger management issues.  After trying to be nice for a while and putting up with his attitude, it didn't take too long for me to get him angry.  "Oh well, there goes that one!"

We blocked each other.

The week after  I come home, and hear an uncle brought a proposal.  It is a guy he knew through his friend. My mom showed me his information.  There wasn't anything there for me to like, or dislike.  So I decided to give it a try and told them to proceed further.

Later that night, as I was praying, I thought of that crazy guy I had met earlier.  How thought of how odd it was that the guy my mom was telling me about sounded a lot like him.  In fact, he sounded A LOT like him.

Wait a minute.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to be continued.................

Self Development

Looks like this is going to be a self-development blog.  I am a muslimah in her mid-twenty.  I am in such a stage of my life where a lot could happen.  A lot has to happen within next two years of my life.  My life could change drastically depending on what Allah (swt) has planned for me.  Would I get married and move somewhere else?  Would I get a job to a different state?  Would I end up leaving this country all together?  Or would I continue to study and do my masters.  When I think about it, it gives me a headache.  My tiny brain can not handle all the stress and it malfunctions.   So once again I raise my hand helplessly to the one who hears all prayers, "Oh Allah (swt), I know I have messed up.  I have sinned.  I have been ungrateful.  I do not deserve your mercy.  But oh Allah, I never deserved your mercy.  You gave it to me anyway because of how compassionate and merciful you are.  Oh Allah, in your endless mercy, please forgive me once again.  Please help me rise up again.  Please relieve my stress.  You are the best of planners, and I am disposing my affairs to you oh hearer of prayers.  You have always been there for me, and although I have been ungrateful and forgetful, please do not abandon me.  For I have no one other than you."

So it is time to turn myself to Allah (swt).  It is time for me to work on myself again.  Currently I feel as if I am nowhere.  So many things in myself needs to change.  I know I can not do it all on my own.  I can't do any of it on my own.  Somewhere along the way, I forgot that my life was a means to get to Allah (swt), instead i became the ungrateful servant that started using Allah (swt) to receive the mean.  May the most merciful forgive me for my weakness.  May he purify me.  May he help me turn around.

I asked my friends and family what is it that they think I need to change in myself first.  They all said "ORGANIZATION".  So that is what I plan to do inshaAllah.  I have seen a mentor recently, writing down everything.  I will start doing that inshaAllah.

Some other areas I need to work on are:

1.  Come up with a good beauty regime
2. Organization
3. Positive thinking
4. Lastly, and most importantly, I need to turn back to Allah (swt).

So inshaAllah, I hope to achieve my goals.