Saturday, December 24, 2011

the begining

It has been interesting, educational, disappointing.

About a year and a half ago, while I was sleeping and my friend was pulling an all-nighter, she got bored and decided to sign us up in a matrimonial site.  The next day when she told me, I laughed, and checked it, and voila!  I had a messege.  At first I didn't take it seriously, but due to my friend's encouragement, I decided to give it a try.

The guy on the other end seemed a little too demanding.  He demanded to see my pictures right away even when I told him I wasn't comfortable at this point.  He asked me what kind of guy I wanted to marry.  Then answered himself "let me guess, someone rich..everyone says they want someone religious, but in reality as long as the guy is rich that's all they care about".  He told me he has anger management issues.  After trying to be nice for a while and putting up with his attitude, it didn't take too long for me to get him angry.  "Oh well, there goes that one!"

We blocked each other.

The week after  I come home, and hear an uncle brought a proposal.  It is a guy he knew through his friend. My mom showed me his information.  There wasn't anything there for me to like, or dislike.  So I decided to give it a try and told them to proceed further.

Later that night, as I was praying, I thought of that crazy guy I had met earlier.  How thought of how odd it was that the guy my mom was telling me about sounded a lot like him.  In fact, he sounded A LOT like him.

Wait a minute.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to be continued.................

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Self Development

Looks like this is going to be a self-development blog.  I am a muslimah in her mid-twenty.  I am in such a stage of my life where a lot could happen.  A lot has to happen within next two years of my life.  My life could change drastically depending on what Allah (swt) has planned for me.  Would I get married and move somewhere else?  Would I get a job to a different state?  Would I end up leaving this country all together?  Or would I continue to study and do my masters.  When I think about it, it gives me a headache.  My tiny brain can not handle all the stress and it malfunctions.   So once again I raise my hand helplessly to the one who hears all prayers, "Oh Allah (swt), I know I have messed up.  I have sinned.  I have been ungrateful.  I do not deserve your mercy.  But oh Allah, I never deserved your mercy.  You gave it to me anyway because of how compassionate and merciful you are.  Oh Allah, in your endless mercy, please forgive me once again.  Please help me rise up again.  Please relieve my stress.  You are the best of planners, and I am disposing my affairs to you oh hearer of prayers.  You have always been there for me, and although I have been ungrateful and forgetful, please do not abandon me.  For I have no one other than you."

So it is time to turn myself to Allah (swt).  It is time for me to work on myself again.  Currently I feel as if I am nowhere.  So many things in myself needs to change.  I know I can not do it all on my own.  I can't do any of it on my own.  Somewhere along the way, I forgot that my life was a means to get to Allah (swt), instead i became the ungrateful servant that started using Allah (swt) to receive the mean.  May the most merciful forgive me for my weakness.  May he purify me.  May he help me turn around.

I asked my friends and family what is it that they think I need to change in myself first.  They all said "ORGANIZATION".  So that is what I plan to do inshaAllah.  I have seen a mentor recently, writing down everything.  I will start doing that inshaAllah.

Some other areas I need to work on are:

1.  Come up with a good beauty regime
2. Organization
3. Positive thinking
4. Lastly, and most importantly, I need to turn back to Allah (swt).

So inshaAllah, I hope to achieve my goals.

Monday, November 28, 2011

The Disease of Desires

By Shaykhul-Islaam Ibn Taymiyyah
"Extracted from “Diseases of the Hearts & their Cures”

Miserliness and jealousy are sicknesses that lead to the soul hating that which would benefit it, and its loving that which would haram it. This is why jealousy was mention alongside hatred and resentment in the proceeding ahaadeeth. As for the sickness of desire and passionate love then this is the soul loving that which would haram it and coupled with this is its hatred of that which would benefit it.

Passionate love is a psychological sickness, and when its effects become noticeable on the body, it becomes a sickness that afflicts the mind also. Either by afflicting the mind by the likes of melancholy, or afflicting the body throughout weakness and emaciation. But the purpose here is to discuss its affect on the heart, for passionate love is the fundamental that makes the soul covet that which would harm it, similar to the one weak of body who covets that which harms it, and if he is not satiated by that then he is grieved, and if he is satiated then his sickness increases. The same applies to the heart afflicted with this love, for it is harmed by its connection to the loved, either by seeing, touching, hearing, or even thinking about it. And if he were to curb the love then the heart is hurt and grieved by this, and if he gives it to the desire then the sickness becomes stronger and becomes a means through which the grievance is increased.

In the Hadeeth there occurs, " Indeed Allah shelters His believing servant from the world just as one of you shelter your sick ones from food and drink [ that would harm them]"

In the hadeeth concerning the saving of Moosa reported by Wahbibn Munabbih [ is a noble taabi ee, this hadeeth is reported from him but is not authentic.] which is recorded by Imaam Ahmad in Zuhd " Allah says indeed I drive away my friends from the delights of this world and its opulence and comfort just ask the compassionate Shepherd drives away his camel from the dangerous crazing lands. And Indeed I make them avoid its tranquility and livelihood, just ask the compassionate shepherd makes his camel to avoid the resting places wherein it would be easy pray. This not because I consider them to be insignificant, but so that they may complete their portion of my kindness in Safety and abundance, the delights of the world will not attract him and neither would desires overcome him."

Therefore the only cure for the sick lies in his removing the sickness by removing the blameworthy love from his heart.People are divided into two opinions concerning passionate love: one group says that it falls into the category of intentions and wishes, this being the famous opinion. Another group says that it falls into the category of imagination and fantasies and that it is corruption of the imagination since it cause one to depict the one who is loved in other than his true reality. This group went on to say: "And this is why Allah has not been described with passionate love [shik] and neither that he passionately love [ya shik] because He is far removed from this, and one cannot be praised who has there corrupt thoughts.."

As for the first group, then from them are those who said: He is described with passionate love [ishk] because it is a complete and perfect love and Allah Loves [yuhib]." And it is reported in the narration of Abdul Wahid bin Zayd that He said, "The servant will always continue to draw close to me, loving Me and I loving him {a shiquhoo]." This is the saying of some of the Soofis but majority do not apply this word to Allah, because passionate love is a love exceeding the proper bounds, as for the Love of Allah then it has no end and cannot exceed the proper bounds.

Passionate love is to be considered blameworthy without any exceptions, it is not to be praised when it is directed toward the Creator or created because it is a love that exceeds the proper bounds.This is also true because the word 'passionate love' is only employed with regards to a man loving a woman or child [ or vice versa]. it is not employed in things such as the love of one's family, property or status, just as it not emplayed with regards to the love of the Prophets and the righteous. Commonly, you will find this word being mentioned alongside a forbidden action, such as loving the woman who is not lawful for him, or loving a child joined with the unlawful glance and touch and other such unlawful actions.

And for the love of a man for his wife or slave girl which leads him out of the folds of justice such that he does unlawful things for her and leave what is obligatory- as commonly happens- even to the extent tht he may oppress his son born of his old wife due to this love of his new wife, or to the extent that he will do things to keep her happy that would haram his religion and worldy life. For example his singling her out for inheritance that she does not deserve, or that he gives her family authorit and property that exceeds the limits set by Allah, or he goes to exceees in spending o*n her, or he makes unlawful things possible for her which is harm his religion and worldly life. This passionate love is forbidden with regards for one who has passionate love for someone who is unlawful or with regards to two men. For this contains a corruption that extent of which none can assess except the lord of the servants; it is a sickness that corrupts the religion and objectives of the o*ne who possesses it, then it corrupts his intelligence and then his body. Allah the most High, says,

" Then do not be soft in speech, lest he is whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire, but speak in a honourable manner." Soorah al ahzaab :32

There are some whose hearts contain the disease of desire and whose perceptions are only skin deep. When the object of the desire submits, the sickness is satiated, and this satiation strengthens the desire and pursuit of the object and hence strengthens the sickness. This is a contrast to the one whose objective is not met, for this failure results is removing the satiation that would strengthen the sickness and there by the desire is weakended as is the love. This is because the person definitely inteds tht there be action accompanying his desire, for otherwise all his desire would be is just whispering of the soul, unless there is some speech or looking accompany this.

As for the one who is afflicted with this passionate love but holds back and is patient, then indeed Allah will reward him for his taqwaa as occurs in the hadeeth, " that the one who passionately love someone yets hold back, conceals this and is patient, then dies upon this, will be a martry." [ A da eef hadeeth, ] This hadeeth is known to be the report of Yahya al Qataat from Mujaahid from Ibn Abbass from the Prophet sallahu wa alyhe wa sallam but it is problematic and such a hadeeth is not to be depended upon.

But it is known from the evideces of the Shareeah that if one were to hold back from performing that which is unlawful, be it looking, speaking or acting, and conceals this and does not articulate it so as not to fall into that which is prohibited and he is patient in his obedience to Allah and keep away form disobedience to Allah, despite the pain that his hearts feels due to this passionate love, [similar to the case of the one who is patient throught a calaminty, then indeed this person would gain the same rewards as those who have feared Allah and been Patient.

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

'Know that the greatest of losses is for you to be preoccupied with one who will bring you nothing but a loss in your time with Allah - theMighty and Majestic - and being cut off from Him, and wasting your time with the person, a weakening of your energy, and the dispersing of your resolve. So, if you are tested with this - and you must be tested with this - deal with him according to how Allah would wish, and be patient with him as much as possible. Get closer to Allah and His Pleasure by way of this person, and make your getting together with him somethingto benefit from, not something to incur a loss from. Be with him as if you are a man who is on a road who was stopped by another man, who then asks you to take him on your journey. Make sure that you are the onewho gives him a ride, and that he is not the one giving you the ride. If he refuses, and there is nothing to gain from traveling with him,do not stop for him, bid him farewell, and do not even turn back to look at him, as he is a highway robber, regardless of who he really is.

So, save your heart, be wary of how you spend your days and nights, and do not let the Sun set before you arrive at your destination

Fighting your nature

In ‘Hilyat al-Awliya” (10/287), it’s related that al-Junayd said:
 الإنسان لا يعاب بما في طبعه إنما يعاب إذا فعل بما في طبعه

''A person is not to be blamed for his nature. Rather, he is to be blamed if he acts according to his nature.”
This is a very deep statement.A person should not bring his status as an imperfect human being to serve as an excuse for manifesting blameworthy characteristics and actions. Yes, we were fashioned with varying degrees of negative attributes within us, such as envy, greed, lack of gratitude, arrogance, the desire to commit certain sins, etc.
However, we were also fashioned with the ability to repel, change, and strive against the inclinations to openly manifest them.
It is possible to abandon negative traits you find in yourself and change your character for the better. You just have to know what you want to become, and want it badly enough to put up a fight whenever the negative traits that get in the way begin to surface.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

It's a start

So I have decided to start once again.  I have had many blogs in the past.  I have never been good at keeping them.  This one might not be any different.  Every once in a while I get an urge, an itch to start a blog.  I envy the people who have interesting blogs full of their insightful posts.  But ever since I was a kid, I have always had time sticking to things.  I have started cooking blogs, religion blogs, personal blogs, poetry blogs, story blogs...never have i kept up with any.  But once again, I am trying again.  InshaAllah, this one will be different.  

I guess I should write down my aim for this blog.  My aim is to work on my deen.  A lot of things have been going on for me.  So much has changed, and so much has to change.  There is a lot at stake here.  I need to rise up and embrace it.