Dear self...

Assalamu alaykum,

Life is full of tests.  Our main goal in life is to please Allah (swt) and use all the resources he has given us to please him, to pass his tests and get closer to him. 

We all want marriage.  We want that friend, that soul-mate, who will be there with us so we don’t have to be alone.  But what is the point of getting married if it makes us distant from Allah (swt).  Allah (swt) knows us best, more than we know ourselves.  Although we want something really bad, it might be bad for us in the long run.

Being in a bad marriage is much worst than being single, isn’t it?  Our main goal should be to please Allah (swt), to enter Jannah.  Although we want that path to be easy, and strive with our loved ones by our side, but if Allah (swt) has ordained singlehood to be the path to jannah, then so be it.  ALhamdulillah for whatever that happens. 

If we get married, alhamdulillah.  We can strive to please Allah (swt) through marriage.  We can work to be good wives and mothers because there is so much reward in it.   But again Allah (swt) knows us best.  Maybe we would’ve failed the test of marriage.  Maybe the test of single life is much easier for us to pass than marriage would’ve been. 

Or maybe marriage would’ve distracted us from Allah (swt).  Maybe we would’ve been so in love with our husbands that we would’ve become distant from Allah. 

It is okay to want marriage, make dua for it in tahajjut, but know that marriage isn’t everything.  Allah (swt) knows best, he has written different way to jannah for different people.  It is okay to seek marriage, but if your intentions aren’t right, the marriage market can feel like a battle field.  Having to deal with rejecting others, being rejected, emotions, parents, it can leave you feeling drained and depressed and make you want to not go back.  But sisters, if your heart is in the right place, then you will learn to say alhamdulillah after every experience.  With every prospect, you know you are getting closer to Allah (swt).  Every time it doesn’t work out with someone, you get to make the dua “oh Allah, replace what I have lost with someone better”.  “Oh Allah, every time I get hurt, make me rise in status in your eyes”.

Don’t complain to anyone but Allah. 

Pain is inevitable.  No one can run from it.  But make your pain count for something.  If you get hurt, and became ungrateful and become more distant from Allah, what was the point of it all?  Make your pain count for something, make it worth it.  Use your pain to get closer to Allah (swt).  Because otherwise, you are in a lose-lose situation.  You are getting hurt in this life, and you are losing in the eyes of Allah.  But if you set your priorities right, then yes you might get hurt, but you know in the end, victory is yours.  You know you will win at the end.  And when you do, you won’t care about all the times you have cried and been hurt.

Have a back up plan.  Being single has its advantages too.  Make a commitment to stay grateful no matter what happens.  Who else would you need if you have Allah (swt) and yourself?  Take Allah (swt) and yourself as your best friend.  If you have these two, you will need no one else. 

It is a short journey.  Life will end soon, but your soul will live forever.  What you do today determines how your life is in the hereafter.  Everyone has their own tests in life, their own struggles.  Strive to gain Allah (swt)’s pleasure through whatever path Allah (swt) has chosen for you.  This does not mean stop trying to get married, or stop wanting to get married.  However this means don’t keep the condition of having your desires fulfilled.  We may plan, but Allah (swt)’s plans are better than our plans.  Strive your utmost, and if it is good for you, he will give it to you.  But if he knows this to not be good for you, he will give you something else in return.  Your effort will not go to waste, so what do you have to worry for.  May Allah (swt) make all of our path to Jannah easy for us.  Ameen.