Friday, February 10, 2012

After hardship comes ease - 1


Surely after hardship comes ease.  This week has been a proof of that.

The melt down happened couple of days ago as I heard them speaking to me.

"I can see you are trying so hard to make everything seem normal, but it is not.  I can see it.  I have known you for three years and I have never seen you like this.  It is like you are not you anymore, I feel like I am losing my friend.  Something else has been going on and I see you sinking deeper and deeper.  Why won't you tell me what it is?"

I didn't know what to tell her.  Some things shouldn't be said.  Some things no one understands, and you don't want anyone to understand either.

"This doesn't have to be your life.  You WILL get out of it.  Just put your trust in Allah (swt).  He loves you.  He wants best for you.  So why are you losing hope?  Make dua to Allah (swt) to solve what it is that has been bothering you."

Then my sister came into the room and saw my red eyes.  A few more tears escaped as she spoke to me gently.

"Don't worry.  Everything will be okay.  Allah (swt) has always watched over you, he has always looked after you, and he always will."

And last but not least, my mother walked in on me at the end of the day and saw the traces of tears in my face.  She took me with her and tried to understand what it is that I seemed so broken about.  After a while when I couldn't explain what it is, she started crying.

"I don't know what it is that is bothering you.  I just want to see you happy.  And it hurts me when I see you so broken but I don't know what it is, and can't do anything about it.  Whatever it is that is making you depressed, get out of it."

Finally I was forced to tell her, "Mom, it's okay.  I am probably just PMSing."

My mom was startled.  I do that sometimes.  When I don't want to speak about what it is that is bothering me, or I think that others won't understand, I blame it on PMS.  It is much easier to do so than to attempt to explain the things that are going inside my head.

Some battles are my own.  I must walk through those paths alone.  The world must not know about those, specially my family.  These are the roads I don't want to walk alone, but I also don't want others to know.  It's okay.  I am not alone.  Allah (swt) is always with me.

Allah (swt) is most merciful.  He has put so much love in these people for me.  He surrounded me with love when I was in most need of it.  The concerned friend, understanding sister, and loving and caring mother.  They all cared for me, and wanted me to be happy.  All of them told me words I needed to hear.  

1 comment:

  1. I can relate to blaming my emotions/tears on pms....its easier....alot easier....

    When i try to break down what is in my head....i find sometimes it doesn't sound to good to share....and is left better not said.

    "It's okay. I am not alone. Allah (swt) is always with me".....that's exactly what I tell myself.